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20 reasons you know your a Bluesman.. Options
geordie01
Posted: Tuesday, December 08, 2009 12:22:35 PM
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Here are some very fundamental rules about the 'Blues'



1. Most blues begin with: "woke up this mornin'"



2. "I got a good woman" is a bad way to begin the blues...unless you stick

something nasty in the next line like: "I got a good woman with the meanest

face in town"



3. The blues is simple. After you get the first line right, repeat it Then

find something that rhymes, like: "Got a good woman with the meanest face in

town. Yes, got a good woman with the meanest face in town. Got teeth like

Margaret Thatcher and she weigh 'bout 500 pound"



4. The blues is not about choice: you stuck in a ditch, you stuck in a

ditch... ain't no way out.



5. Blues cars: Chevy's, Fords, Cadillac's and broken down trucks... Blues

don't travel in Volvos, BMWs or sport utility vehicles. Most blues

transportation is a Greyhound bus or a southbound train. Jet aircraft or

state-sponsored motor pools ain't even in the running. Walking plays a

major part in the blues lifestyle... so does 'fixin' to die' ....good

grammar has no place in the blues: "I'm not going to care very much"

...needs: I ain't gonna give a damn".



6. Teenagers can't sing the blues...They ain't fixin' to die yet. Adults

sing the blues. Adulthood means being old enough to get the electric chair

for shooting a man in Memphis



7. Blues can take place in New York City, but not in Hawaii or anywhere in

Canada. Hard times in Minneapolis or Seattle are probably just clinical

depression. Chicago, St. Louis, Kansas City, Memphis, and Nawlins are still

the best places to have the blues. Another thing: you can't have the blues

in any place that don't get rain.



8. A man with male pattern baldness ain't the blues. Now, a woman with male

pattern baldness is. Breaking your leg 'cause you were skiing is not the

blues. Breaking your leg 'cause a alligator be chompin' on it, is.



9. You can't have no blues in an office or shopping mall. the lighting is

wrong. You have to go outside to the parking lot or sit by the dumpster



10. Good places for the Blues:

a. highway;

b. jailhouse;

c. empty bed;

d. bottom of a whiskey glass



11. Bad places for the Blues:

a. Nordsrom's;

b. Gallery openings;

c. Ivy League Institutions;

d. Golf courses



12. No one will believe you have the blues if your wearing a suit... unless

you are an old person and, maybe, you slept in it.



13. When do you have the right to sing the blues:

a. if you're older than dirt;

b. you're blind;

c. you shot a man in Memphis;

d. you can't be satisfied.



14. You can't really sing the blues if:

a. you have all of your teeth;

b. you once were blind, but now can see;

c. the man in Memphis lived;

d. you have a 401(k) or trust fund.



15. Blues is not a matter of color... It is a matter of bad luck. Tiger

Woods cannot sing the blues.... Sonny Liston could have. Ugly white people

also got a leg up on the blues.



16. If you ask for water and your darlin' gives you gasoline...it's the

blues. Other acceptable blues beverages are:

a. cheap wine;

b. whisky or bourbon;

c. muddy water;

d. black coffee.



17. The following are not blues beverages:

a. Perrier;

b. Chardonnay;

c. Snapple;

d. Slim Fast.



18. If death occurs in a cheap motel or a shotgun shack, it's a blues death.

Stabbed in the neck by a jealous lover is another blues way to die... so is

the electric chair, substance abuse, dyin' lonely. You can't have a blues

death if you die during a tennis match or while getting liposuction.



19. Some good blues names for women:

a. Sadie;

b. Big Mama;

c. Bessie;

d. Fat River Dumplin'.



20. Good blues names for men:

a. Joe;

b. Willie;

c. Little Willie;

d. Big Willie.
bluesfestadmin
Posted: Tuesday, December 08, 2009 12:40:11 PM
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You can ALWAYS tell a bluesman - THEY ALWAYS - and no matter how old they are - Have the prettiest girl in town hangin' with them
greybeard
Posted: Tuesday, December 08, 2009 1:14:08 PM

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Quote:
15. Blues is not a matter of color... It is a matter of bad luck. Tiger

Woods cannot sing the blues.... Sonny Liston could have. Ugly white people

also got a leg up on the blues.


This statement may prove to be WRONG.
*****************************************
Well, I'm a back door man,
I'm a back door man.
Whoa, baby — I'm your back door man.
The press now know
But the little wifey, she don't understand.

Heading out for the East Coast / Lord knows I've paid some dues gettin' through, / Tangled up in blues.
greybeard
Posted: Tuesday, December 08, 2009 1:22:36 PM

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Location: Sydney Northern Beaches
Delta Blues Poised For Biggest Revival Since 1915

September 28, 2005 | Issue 41•39
After the FLOOD

NEW ORLEANS—Blues historians report that Delta blues, an early blues form that arose in the Mississippi Delta region, is poised for its biggest revival since 1915. "Death, loss, heartbreak, isolation, hard luck—that's what the blues have been missing for decades," said music critic Joel Kushner. "But now, even the most sheltered, derivative Delta blues musician should have enough material to cut an album." The revival is heralded by the recent singles "FEMA Don't Come 'Round No More," "Category Five Woman Done Me Six Kinds Of Wrong," and "Talkin' Drownded Kin Blues."

Heading out for the East Coast / Lord knows I've paid some dues gettin' through, / Tangled up in blues.
greybeard
Posted: Tuesday, December 08, 2009 1:43:04 PM

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Location: Sydney Northern Beaches
#
Lucille Calls Police On B.B. King
Speakers on please.


B B King in a domestic

Heading out for the East Coast / Lord knows I've paid some dues gettin' through, / Tangled up in blues.
repete
Posted: Tuesday, December 08, 2009 2:40:55 PM
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greybeard wrote:
Delta Blues Poised For Biggest Revival Since 1915

September 28, 2005 | Issue 41•39
After the FLOOD

NEW ORLEANS—Blues historians report that Delta blues, an early blues form that arose in the Mississippi Delta region, is poised for its biggest revival since 1915. "Death, loss, heartbreak, isolation, hard luck—that's what the blues have been missing for decades," said music critic Joel Kushner. "But now, even the most sheltered, derivative Delta blues musician should have enough material to cut an album." The revival is heralded by the recent singles "FEMA Don't Come 'Round No More," "Category Five Woman Done Me Six Kinds Of Wrong," and "Talkin' Drownded Kin Blues."


Trouble with this is, notwithstanding some really good blues musicians, New Orleans isn't a blues town. You'd think if anywhere had a right to sing the blues it would be New Orleans afer Katrina, but nooooo. She just can't help herself. Death and despair is celebrated with a secondline, and whilst it might start with a bluesy funereal dirge, it usually always explodes into a riotous, joyous cacophony of sound! As the good Doctor sings in the City That Care Forgot..."my people need a secondline...". And as he rages against the pathetic official reponses afer Katrina, it's to the most wikkid funky beat. Even local bluesman J Monque'd singing FEMA (Fix Everything My Arse) Blues leaves most listeners rolling on the floor in stitches of laughter. The Mississippi Delta is a loooong way from New Orleans.

Hangin' out on Frenchmen
rodda55
Posted: Thursday, December 10, 2009 12:38:40 PM
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Tiger woods qualifies. Now he got worry...

Perhaps we could book him as the world exclusive?
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